# #

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Sailor

My dream catcher
Sits atop a lighthouse
Waiting for that ship in the night

A sailor, with the look of
A beautiful horizon in his eyes
Has lips that whisper words
As gentle as the trade winds

His touch is as soft as
The island flowers
And his presence brings
Adventures of past voyages
Stirring passions that
Create the sweetest nectar
Ever to be tasted

When the dunes finally
Receive the force of the ocean’s tide
Hurricanes will blow
And the stillness of this island beach
Will be awakened once again


SAILOR

7 comments:

オテモヤン said...

オナニー
逆援助
SEX
フェラチオ
ソープ
逆援助
出張ホスト
手コキ
おっぱい
フェラチオ
中出し
セックス
デリヘル
包茎
逆援
性欲

Emily said...

very lovely!

Steven Pine said...

clumsy.

either will be awakened or will awaken.

People often sit inside, not atop, lighthouses (one word btw).

There is no punctuation which makes this piece difficult to follow because I am not sure where one sentence ends and another one begins, "waiting for that ship / a sailor"? which ship, the ship that the sailor is waiting for, or the ship that has a sailor in it?

ending lines on 'of' or 'as' is distracting to the rhythm, like trying to admire a new paint job with unfinished, or badly done, corners.

This is a carwreck. sorry.

Nancy Watts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nancy Watts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nancy Watts said...

Thank you, Emily...

Steve, this was one of the first poems I ever wrote...I did not post it for the grammar, but the feeling I had when I wrote it...

The dream catcher is an object,not a person...I would place it atop the lighthouse to blow in the wind and catch my dreams...hence its purpose...

The ship and sailor are one in the same, they are interchangeable, it's a common metaphor.

You are correct, however, about lighthouse being one word and will correct it presently...Thank you.

Thank you for your critiques, I hope you will look at some other poems before passing too harsh a judgment.

Thank you for visiting...

the name poet said...

Steve, I think your critique could have been a bit more balanced and constructive if you started off with (or mixed in) one or two things you liked or felt were OK about the poem. You sound like you've had a shitty day.

Hello Nancy. This isn't a critique - just flowing with first thought.

What I got from your poem was that erraticness can sometimes be a good thing; it shouldn't necessarily be feared. It can transform what it touches and create something anew.

I learnt a lesson today. More like a reminder, really. But thank you.